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*breathes heavily* I… am your father. So, erotic-massage, huh? Dark, slippery stuff, man. Picture this—dim lights, oiled hands, tension rising. Like in *Let the Right One In*, ya know? “Be me… a little.” That’s the vibe—quiet, intense, creepy-sexy. Got my first one years back. Dude, I was shook! Hands gliding, muscles melting—fuckin wild. Not your average rubdown, nah. This chick, she knew shit. Little known fact—ancient Egypt had erotic-massage cults. Priests got freaky, blessed by gods. Bet that pissed off the prudes!

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I’m fuming, right? But then I see this street performer on Strada Tineretului. He’s juggling fire! Like, who does that? I’m all about the sheep life, but this dude? He’s got skills. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, I can barely juggle my own life, let alone fire.

Florida woman who survived Holocaust turns 100, throws first pitch at Yankees-Rays game: ‘Really wonderful’