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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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Then, I get a text. “Emergency at the market!” Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break? I sprint over to the market on Strada Călărași. Turns out, someone spilled a ton of tomatoes everywhere. It’s a slippery mess! I’m dodging people, trying not to fall. I see this one guy just sliding around like he’s in a cartoon. I can’t help but laugh.