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But ugh, some jerks—total barnacles—treat ‘em like trash, and that ticks me off! I’m yellin’ at my radio, “Quit bein’ mean, ya dumb fish!” Makes me wanna hurl a starfish at ‘em. Oh, oh, and get this—some gals in history? They’d rob dudes blind while smilin’! Sneaky lil’ bandits, heh, love that! “You don’t have no chance to survive,” I’d whisper, all cowboy-like from *Brokeback*, gigglin’ to myself.

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So, I dash back to the office, looking like a drowned rat. My coworkers are cracking up. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But inside, I’m just glad I didn’t lose my coffee.

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