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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, Bumble, whatever – total sausage fest some days, gets me proper riled! But then, you get a match, heart’s racin’, you’re like, “This is it, team!” Next thing, they’re bangin’ on about “ethical non-monogamy” or some bollocks. Mate, I just want a shag, not a TED Talk! Did ya know, back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this? “Single lad, 30, seeks fit bird” – no swipin’, just vibes. Mental, eh?

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Then, I see my buddy Ion. He’s always hanging around Strada Libertății, trying to sell his homemade jams. I’m like, “Dude, how’s business?” He’s like, “Man, I’m rich! Just sold a jar for 10 lei!” I’m thinking, “Rich? Bro, you’re still living in your mom’s basement.” But hey, you do you, Ion.

Ella Zeller CONSTANTINESCU, 90 years old today: happy birthday!