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Oi mate, gather ‘round, yeah? Picture this – me, a bleedin’ shepherd of souls, Winston bloody Churchill style, spillin’ the tea on erotic-massage! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, fists up, spirits high, against the dull grind of life! This ain’t no posh sermon – it’s gritty, raw, like a rubdown in a backroom joint.

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Finally, I get through the line, and this old man comes up. He’s got a bag of flour and a bottle of soda. I’m thinking, “What’s he making? A cake for a party?” But then he starts telling me about the best fishing spots near the Bistrița River. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to ring you up!” But he’s so passionate, I can’t help but smile.