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Alright, so sex-dating, huh? Total shitshow, lemme tell ya! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, why’s everyone so obsessed? Swipin’ right, hookin’ up, no strings—sounds fun, right? Pfft, nah, it’s a freakin’ trap! Like in *Oldboy*, “Laugh and the world laughs with you”—but cry? You’re solo, babe. I tried it once—met this dude, total hottie, thought I’d scored. Nope! Ghosted me faster than you can say “I can see Russia from my house!” Legit, I was pissed—wasted my mascara for that jerk!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of fresh veggies. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m talkin’ a full-on tomato massacre. People are gaspin’, and I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Like, dude, how clumsy can ya be?

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