Valentina Havarna Erotic Massage ❤️

About Ploiesti

I tried it once, right? Some spa in Soho—thought I’d treat meself. Walked in all cocky, left feelin’ like a greased-up twat. Bloke’s hands were everywhere—thought he was gonna propose! “Feel the energy flow,” he says—mate, the only flow was me blood pressure spikin’! Pissed me right off—£80 for that? Could’ve got a curry and a pint for less. Still, gotta admit, when he hit that knot in me shoulder—ooh, I was happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect to melt like a prat. “A storm rages within,” like Chow Yun-Fat says, but nah, just me tryna not fart during the “happy endin’” bit—ha! No chance, pal, keep ya mitts north!

New masseuses

Finally, I get to the farm. The sheep are bleatin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a choir. I’m all set to start, but then my shears decide to act up. Of course! Just my luck. I’m wrestlin’ with these things, and I’m gettin’ madder by the minute. I’m like, “Why can’t you just work?!”

In photos: 40+ smiling faces at Mackay Family Carnival