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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better. I walk over to the old church on Strada Catedralei. It’s beautiful, really. I love the history here. But then, I see a group of tourists taking selfies. They’re blocking the entrance! I’m standing there, waiting, and they’re just posing. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s a church, not a photo op!” Finally, I squeeze past them, muttering under my breath.