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The oil’s the star, silky, warm, fucken unreal. “I feel the wind blowing,” like in the movie, but it’s her fingers, tracing shit you didn’t know could tingle. Ever try it with coconut oil? Slippery as fuck, smells like a beach bang. Pro tip: don’t use too much, or you’re slidin’ off the table – happened to me, embarrassing as shit, laughed my ass off.

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But then, I see this little girl dancing. She’s got moves! I’m talking about a mini Beyoncé. I can’t help but smile. It’s like she’s got the whole world in her hands. I’m thinking, “Maybe life ain’t so bad after all.”