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Oh, but once—don’t tell no one—I stumbled on this lass gettin’ one. Soft music, candles flickerin’, proper posh-like. She’s all “ooh” and “ahh,” and I’m thinkin’, “What’s this rubbish?” Then—surprise, precious—it’s not all filth! Some say it’s ancient, like from Egypt or summat. Healin’ vibes, they reckon—bollocks again! Still, made me giggle, her face all scrunched up happy-like. “The body resists,” like in “Moolaadé,” but she ain’t resistin’ squat!

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First off, I’m running late for a meeting. Classic me. I grab my coffee from that tiny café on Strada Călărași. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. He knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Dude, just give me the usual.” But today, he’s all out of beans! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, how do you run out of coffee? It’s like a bakery running out of bread.

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