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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass Russian Sign Language translator, here to break down this sexual-massage madness! Alright, so sexual-massage—shit’s like a rollercoaster, right? Hands sliding everywhere, oil dripping, vibes all sensual and freaky. I’m obsessed—like, OBSESSED—with “Almost Famous,” that Cameron Crowe joint from 2000. You know, “It’s all happening!”—that’s the energy I’m bringing to this! Picture it: dim lights, some chick’s rubbing you down, and you’re just yelling, “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” in your head, tripping balls on the absurdity of it all.

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Best Massage in Alexandria, VA - A Touch of Serenity, Emerald Massage Center, Alexandria Myotherapy, Malee Thai Massage & Bodywork, Vital Body & Mind, Wat Massage, Origins Thai .

But then, I get hit with the worst traffic on Bdul. Tineretului. Like, seriously, it’s a parking lot. I’m stuck there, just fuming. I mean, how hard is it to drive? People are just sitting there, staring at their phones. I’m yelling at my radio like it’s gonna help. “C’mon, move it!” But nope, just more honking.

Alexandria continues curbside composting program after successful pilot