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So I’m wanderin, dodgin coppers—fuckin buzzkills, they are. Heart’s racin, thinkin, “This is it, Ricky, ya daft twat!” Then this one bird, proper fit, winks at me. I’m like, “Hello darlin, fancy a go?” She’s all, “50 quid,” and I’m fumin—50 quid?! For what, a two-minute “I drink your milkshake” moment? Bargained her down to 30, cos I’m a cheap bastard. “Time’s a-wastin,” I mutter, Zodiac-style—dramatic, me!

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So, I’m walking down the street, feeling all grumpy, when I bump into my buddy Miguel. He’s always got that goofy grin. He’s like, “Hey, you look like you need a hug!” I just rolled my eyes. But then he dragged me to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. I mean, who can stay mad at that? We sat on the sand, and I felt my mood lift.

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