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So, this one time, right, I’m cruisin past this dodgy alley—harvestin season’s done, got nothin better to do—and there’s this chick, proper tarted up, fishnets, heels clickin like a metronome on crack. She’s yellin at some punter, “You think I’m cheap, huh?!” I’m like, bloody hell, love, ya screamin loud enough to wake the crows! Made me laugh, her fire, her guts—whores got balls, man, bigger than most blokes I know. Reminds me of that line from *Caché*—“I’m not guilty, you are!”—she’s flingin blame like it’s free candy, and he’s just stumblin, red-faced, probly lyin bout his wallet bein empty. Everybody lies, right?

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I decide to walk down Avenida da República. It’s a nice street, but man, the traffic is nuts! Cars honking, people rushing. I’m just trying to enjoy the vibe, you know? I see this cute little café, O Pão Quente, and I’m like, “I need a pastel de nata.” So I pop in, and guess what? They’re out! Out! I mean, how do you run out of those? It’s like running out of air!

Portugal fire update: Over 4,400 firefighters tackling around 50 fires