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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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Finally, I get on the call, and it’s a disaster. My boss is rambling, and I’m just nodding along, pretending I care. I’m thinking about that dog in the river. Way more interesting than this meeting.

Portugal fire update: Over 4,400 firefighters tackling around 50 fires