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Oh, and the cops? They sneaky as fuck. One time, I’m chattin’ up this girl, and bam – lights flashin’. Had to dip quick, yellin’, “I’m just a naked man!” like in the movie. They didn’t buy it, but I skated. True story, swear on my gin and juice.

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But then, bam! I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a coffee monster, and I hear this laugh. It’s this old dude, probably in his 80s, sitting outside a pastelaria. He’s got this twinkle in his eye, like he’s seen it all. He says, “You look like you need a nap, my friend.” I just chuckle and say, “Nah, just a new shirt!”

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