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Best part? When it works, it’s gold. Friend of mine, met his girl on Hinge. Bangin’ one night, married the next year. “The dream is collapsing!” – nah, it’s buildin’. Made me happy, seein’ that. But the flops? Hilarious. Catfishin’ pics, ghostin’ – comedy gold. One chick told me she matched a dude. Profile said 6’2”, showed up 5’4”. “I’m rich in spirit!” – yeah, right, jackass.

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Then, I’m walkin’ down Rua da Alegria, right? And I see this street performer. Dude’s got a snake! A freakin’ snake! I’m a Snake Spell, but I ain’t about to handle a live one. I’m like, “Nah, man, I’ll stick to my spells.” But the crowd is hyped, and I’m just standing there, half-amazed, half-terrified.