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Thing is, it ain’t all sleazy. Some folks swear it heals—releases tension, boosts happy vibes. I’m like, “You don’t say?”—straight outta Fincher’s flick. Got me happy once, tried it with Marge. She’s all, “Homer, behave!” Didn’t work, tho—too ticklish! Made me mad when the masseuse charged extra. What a ripoff! “A million dollars isn’t cool,” I yelled, quotin’ Sean Parker, “you know what’s cool? Fair prices!” She didn’t laugh. Tough crowd.

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So, I stopped to watch, and wouldn’t ya know it, a rat runs right through the crowd. Everyone gasps, and I’m just standin’ there like, “C’mon, people, it’s just a rat!” But they were all freakin’ out. I had to step in, of course. I chased it away, and the crowd cheered. I felt like a hero for a hot second.

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