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About Porto

Once, yeah, I tried it—mate, I was buzzin’! This bird, proper fit, she’s got oils smellin’ like a forest fire’s wet dream. She’s slidin’ hands everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, this is the moment!”—straight outta the movie, yeah? But then, she’s like, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m like, “I is relaxed, innit!” Nearly fell off the table, clumsy twat that I am. Laughed me arse off—happy as fuck, tho. Ain’t no one tellin’ me, “You’re late again,” like in the flick—just pure vibes.

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First off, I hit up the Mercado Municipal. You know, the one on Rua da Alegria? Yeah, that place is always buzzing. I’m there, trying to grab some fresh fish for dinner. But guess what? The guy at the stall was like, “Sorry, we’re out.” Out of fish? In a coastal town? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit.

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