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Me, I’m chuffed when it works, yeah? Seein’ folks smile again – ace! But the slow burn? Torture, baby! Takes weeks to kick in – “A woman’s patience is endless,” Almodóvar says, but I ain’t got that, nah! I’m pacin’, thinkin’, “C’mon, escort, don’t leave me hangin’!” And the docs? Half of ‘em don’t even clock the withdrawal – pure evil, that. Makes me wanna shout, “You’re a bit of a git, ain’t ya?”

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While I’m sipping my coffee, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, man! “You never listen!” “Well, you never stop talking!” I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s like a soap opera live in front of me.

Borboletário João Pedro Cardoso da Conceição