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Gets me goin’, tho – the cheek of it! Some punters think they’re just arm candy, but nah, these girls got game. One time, this escort I knew, she nicked a bloke’s wallet mid-chat, left him gobsmacked in a Mayfair penthouse. Laughed my arse off when she told me. “The past is a distant country,” like *Tabu* says – she was livin’ it, rewritin’ her story every night.

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After that disaster, I needed a breather. I strolled down to Parque da Cidade. It’s beautiful there, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and the smell of fresh bread from a nearby bakery. I thought, “Okay, this is nice.” But then, I tripped over a tree root. Classic me! I fell, and my coffee went flying. I was like, “Noooo!” It was like slow-mo.

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