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Sometimes it’s funny—awkward moans, slippery floors, oops! Reminds me of Toni fakin it as a life coach—“You need to let go!” he’d yell, while I’m over here slippin on massage oil! Total hot mess! I’d be like, “Oh honey, this ain’t no regular backrub!” Ya gotta know—pros use warm stones sometimes. Little known fact—feels like heaven, swear! Once had this gal—pro masseuse—tell me she cured a guy’s headache with ONE sexy neck rub. ONE! I’m like, sign me UP!

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Finally, I make it to the café, and guess what? They’re outta my fave pastry! Like, seriously? It’s a pastry crisis! I’m standing there, all hangry, and the barista’s like, “Sorry, we only have the dry ones left.” Dry? No thanks! I’m not a camel!

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