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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya, erotic-massage is somethin’ else! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and jeez—it’s like a fancy schmancy treat, y’know? Like in *The Grand Budapest Hotel*, when Gustave says, “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”—but swap “lobby boy” for my achin’ back, hah! I mean, who knew rubbin’ could get so… spicy?

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So, I pick up my oranges, and I’m still grumbling. I head over to Praça da República, and it’s packed. Families, kids running around, and I’m just trying to find a spot to chill. I finally sit down, and this kid comes up to me, all excited. “Mister, mister! Can you show me a magic trick?” I’m like, “Sure, kid!” I pull a coin from behind his ear, and he’s amazed. It’s cute, honestly.

Figure 1. Engraved plaques from the Iberian Peninsula. a, Valencina de...