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Last week, tried it meself—cor, what a lark! This bird, absolute stunner, starts working me knots out. “Keep it civilised,” I mutter, quoting Gustave, but crikey, my mind’s gone *ad astra*—to the stars! Hands sliding south, tension melting, I’m grinning like a daft berk. Then—bam!—she hits a spot, I yelp, bloody embarrassing. “Rudimentary, my dear Watson,” I laugh, botching the quote cos I’m half-gone. Felt like a king, tho—happier than a pig in muck.

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So, I head to the yard, and there’s this group of inmates chillin’ by the basketball court. They’re laughin’ and throwin’ the ball around. I’m thinkin’, “What’s so funny?” I mean, they’re in prison, right? But then I see it. They’re playin’ a game where the loser has to do push-ups. I can’t help but chuckle. It’s ridiculous, but hey, at least they’re not plotting an escape.

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