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But arrgh, what pisses me off? Them posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom for a rubdown! Back in Tortuga, ye’d get it fer a bottle o’ rum, no fancy oils needed! Used whale blubber once meself—stank like Davy Jones’ locker, but worked a treat. Surprised me, aye—slippery as a mermaid’s tail!

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Later, I head to the cafeteria. The food? Ugh. It’s like they’re trying to punish us. I grab a plate of whatever that slop is. I sit down, and guess who plops down next to me? Carla, the new guard. She’s cool, but she talks a lot. I’m tryin’ to eat, and she’s all, “Did you see the new mural on Rua da Paz?” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s nice.” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Can I just eat in peace?”

Bar Muy Buenas revives a slice of Barcelona history