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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—sex-dating, not time travel (tho that’d be dope). Set up a profile, somethin bout “lookin for a spark, no flux capacitor needed,” and Great Scott, the replies! One chick sent me a pic—BOOM—straight-up nude, no hello, no nothin. Surprised the hell outta me! Made me laugh tho—people are wild, man. But then there’s the creeps—dudes sendin dick pics like it’s a job interview. Pissed me off—where’s the class? “No one will be left,” like in Melancholia—cuz half these jerks scare everyone off!

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Finally, I get my hands on one. And wow, it’s like heaven in a flaky crust. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I spot this street performer. He’s playing Fado, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re killing it!” But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. Ugh! Thanks, buddy. Just what I needed.

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