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I’d say it’s a messy art—oil everywhere, egos bruised, bits tingling. Kinda love the chaos, tho. Reminds me of me own life—dodgin’ daggers, chasin’ skirts. “We’re done here,” Viggo snarls in the film, but with sexual-massage, ya never are. Always another twist, another rub. So, mate, if yer thinkin’ of tryin’ it—go bold or go home. I’d toast to that, but me cup’s empty. Bugger.

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After that, I need a drink. So, I hit up that new bar Tiago was raving about. It’s called “O Porto Alegre.” Super cozy, right? I order a ginjinha, and it’s like a party in my mouth. I’m feeling good again. I start chatting with some locals, and they’re all about the football. “Did you see the game last night?” they ask. I’m like, “Nah, I was busy getting pooped on by pigeons.” They laugh, and suddenly, I’m the life of the party.

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