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Still, I’m hooked, mate. The thrill! The chase! Like scarlett stalking prey, I’m scrolling, heart racing—will they ghost? Will they bite? Once got catfished—bloke said he was a chef, turned up smellin’ like old chips. Pissed me off somethin’ fierce—wasted me night! But then there’s gems: lass who shagged a duke once, swore it was on a sex-dating dare. True or not, I was gobsmacked—royalty on Tinder? Wild!

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But then, the universe decides to throw me another curveball. I’m sitting there, minding my own business, when I see a kid running towards the water. My heart drops! I jump up, yelling, “Hey! Stop!” I sprint over, and just in time, I grab the kid before he takes a dive. Phew! The mom comes running, all panicked. I’m like, “No worries, just another day in Moscavide-e-Portela.”