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Hola dahling, it’s me, Edna Mode – no capes! So, sexual-massage, right? I’m a sign language wiz, hands flyin’ everywhere, and lemme tell ya, this topic’s got my fingers itchin’! I’m obsessed with “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring” – that Kim Ki-duk vibe, so quiet, so deep, like a monk rubbin’ your soul. Sexual-massage? It’s like that, but sweaty and naughty! Picture this: hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension risin’ – “The body floats on the water,” like the movie says, but here it’s floatin’ on pure bliss, dahling!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in. He’s like, “Mister, can I have a sausage?” I’m like, “Sure, kid. But you gotta do a dance for it!” He starts busting out these moves, and I’m dying. I give him the sausage, and he runs off like he just won the lottery.

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