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Oh, and get this—back in ‘82, Escort ads were cheesy as hell. “Drive the dream!”—pfft, more like “Drive my patience away!” Still, can’t hate it—gets ya from A to B, cheap as chips. Quirky thought—bet Wes Anderson’d paint one pastel pink, film it all artsy. “Lobby boy, fetch my keys!”—cracks me up thinkin’ bout it.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, right? So I pop into this little spot, and guess what? They’re outta coffee! Like, how do you run outta coffee in Portugal? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I saw this old dude at the next table. He had this epic mustache, like a wizard or something. Made me laugh. So, I chilled.

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