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Hey girlfriend, lemme spill the tea! Erotic-massage, honey, it’s a vibe! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’—you feel me? Like, “The beast hides in the jungle,” right outta *Tropical Malady*, that mystery, that heat! You ever tried it? I did once, y’all, and whoo! This masseuse—quiet type, sneaky skills—had me floatin’. Little known fact: ancient Thailand, they’d mix herbs, secret stuff, into the oil—zesty! Made me happy, like, “You get a car!” level happy.

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But then, the tide starts coming in. I’m watching in horror as the waves creep closer. The kid’s panicking, and I’m like, “Noooo! Save the castle!” But it’s too late. The waves crash, and poof! Sandcastle gone. The kid’s face is priceless. I can’t help but laugh, but I feel for him.

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