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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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But then, bam! I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a coffee monster, and I hear this laugh. It’s this old dude, probably in his 80s, sitting outside a pastelaria. He’s got this twinkle in his eye, like he’s seen it all. He says, “You look like you need a nap, my friend.” I just chuckle and say, “Nah, just a new shirt!”

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