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Rarrgh! Tips from a bartender? Be real, don’t fake it. Liars get caught—eyes don’t lie. And—ha!—shower first, ya stinky nerf-herder! Sex-dating’s messy, fun, fuckin’ nuts. Love it, hate it—keeps the bar busy!

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Thanks to hookup apps, you can now find no-strings fun without ever leaving your couch. Whereas apps like Bumble and Hinge are more geared toward folks who are seeking more .

Then, I head over to the Praça da República. It’s usually a nice spot, but today? Nah. There’s this street performer, right? He’s juggling flaming torches and, of course, he drops one. Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, popcorn in hand, like, “This is better than Netflix!” But then, the fire brigade shows up, and I’m like, “Great, there goes my entertainment.”

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