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Me? I’d be pissed if it’s all hype—no skill, just awkward gropin’. Done right, tho? Damn, that’s art. Hands slidin’, pressure hittin’ spots you didn’t know existed—makes ya feel alive. Kinda like when Alien Girl in *Spring Breakers* purrs, “Just pretend it’s a video game.” Erotic-massage is that—playin’ pretend, dodgin’ reality. Gets my heart racin’, not gonna lie. Surprised me first time I heard ‘bout it—thought it was all sketchy parlors. Nope, there’s legit talent out there, pros who know nerves like I know Vicodin.

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Next, we stroll down Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cute little street, full of shops and cafes. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab some pastéis de nata.” You know, the good stuff. But nooo, the café was packed! I’m talking a line that could rival a concert. I’m like, “Guys, we’re in Aljustrel! We need these pastries!”

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