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So, erotic-massage – it’s old, man! Been around since ancient China or somethin’. They called it “tuina,” but dirtier, heh. Little fact – them emperors got it as a “royal treat.” Fancy, huh? Makes me happy thinkin’ bout kings gettin’ kneaded like dough. D’oh! But nah, seriously, it’s all bout relaxin’ – muscles loosenin’, stress flyin’ out the window. “I’m not a beggar,” says this lady in “Ten,” and I’m like – girl, you don’t need to beg for this bliss!

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But then, the waiter spills wine all over my shirt. Like, seriously? I’m just tryna enjoy my meal! I’m fuming, but then I see the waiter’s face. He’s so sorry, I can’t even stay mad. I just laugh it off. “Guess I’m rockin’ the wine-stained look now!”

‘Made in Sporting’: Lisbon Club’s Youth Academy Sets It Apart (Published 2016)