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What pisses me off? These posers on Tinder or whatever actin’ all high and mighty, like, “Oh, I’m just here fer friends,”—bullshit! Ya want the D or the V, don’t lie to Cartman! Respect my authoritah, I see through yer crap! Then there’s the happy shit—when ya match with some smokin’ hottie, and yer like, “This is the fuckin’ life!” Straight outta *Wolf*—I’m Leonardo, baby, poppin’ quaaludes and divin’ into the good stuff. Surprised me too—didja know some sex-datin’ apps got secret “elite” tiers? Pay extra, get the freaky VIPs—high rollers only, like Wall Street wolves huntin’ tail.

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Then, I see this little kid buildin’ a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talkin’ towers, moats, the whole shebang. I go over and say, “Dude, that’s sick! You should be on HGTV!” He just grins, and I’m like, “I’m jealous, man.”

US seizes $2M worth of cocaine near Puerto Rico, one dead