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Alright, listen up, fam—deep breath now. Imagine me, Morgan Freeman, sittin’ here, wise ol’ voice flowin’ like honey, talkin’ ‘bout sex-dating in this wild, messy world. Sex-dating, man, it’s like fishin’ in a digital swamp—ya throw yer line out on Tinder, Grindr, whatever, hopin’ to catch somethin’ juicy, but half the time ya pull up a soggy boot. Been thinkin’ ‘bout this since I saw *The Lives of Others*—you know, my fave flick from ’06. That East German vibe, all sneaky surveillance and hidden desires, it’s got me wonderin’ how sex-dating’s changed since them Stasi days.

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When the dude finally shows up, he’s all flustered. Apparently, he got lost on Calle de la Paz. I’m like, “Dude, it’s literally a straight shot!” But whatever, we get down to business. He shows me this new product line, and I’m like, “This is fire!” But then he drops the price. My jaw hits the floor. I’m like, “You trippin’! Ain’t nobody payin’ that!”

Returning to Vieques (Published 2018)