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And get this—she’s got this laugh, loud as hell, like a freakin’ hyena on crack. Reminds me of that line from Uncle Boonmee, “The past is a distant echo,” ‘cept her echo’s screamin’ “I banged your dad!” right in my face. Ugh, grosses me out! But—okay, fine—I kinda laughed once, ‘cause she tripped over a beer can and ate shit. Funniest damn thing all week! Still a whore tho, don’t get it twisted.

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After that little drama, I decided to grab some food. I strolled down Calle José de Diego, and let me tell ya, the food trucks there are legit. I got a mofongo that was so good, I almost cried. Like, I’m not even exaggerating. It was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. But then, I spilled it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

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