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Now, where to look? Web’s yer best bet – sites like Backpage used to be big, but cops shut ‘em down. Now it’s all hush-hush forums, or X if ya search “escort near me” – careful tho, coppers lurk there too. Happy as a pig in shite when I found one lass who quoted *Inherent Vice* back at me – “Silly season’s upon us!” she goes. Instant click, mate. Rare, tho – most just wanna get paid and bounce.

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And yeah, I'd say any woman who charges money for sex is a prostitute. So plenty on tinder, and plenty like the ones I've described.

First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a lion. I mean, I love a good mane, but c’mon! I’m like, “Bro, you need a trim, not a safari!” He laughs, but I’m serious. So, I get to work, and halfway through, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m there, scissors in hand, and it’s pitch black. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in a horror movie.”

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