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Oi, mate, it’s me, Loki—yep, *that* Loki, smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” y’know? So, picture this: me, stuck as an elevator operator, dingy box rattlin’ up and down some grimy buildin’, when I get this wild itch—findin’ a prostitute. Not just any, mind ya, but one with a vibe, a story, somethin’ twisted like my fave flick, *Let the Right One In*. That movie, man—creepy kids, blood, and secrets—it’s my jam. “Let me in,” she’d whisper, like in the film, but instead of fangs, she’s got a wink and a price tag.

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Finally, the fire crew shows up. They’re all geared up, and I’m thinkin’, “Finally, some real heroes.” They set up the ladder, and the dude’s still up there, livin’ his best life. They coax him down with a promise of pizza. I mean, who can resist pizza, right?

A 38-year-old Ukrainian woman was killed in Poland: the suspect detained