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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee, and head out. First stop? The bakery on ul. Słowiańska. Best pastries ever! I’m talking about those fluffy pączki that make you forget your problems. I’m standing in line, and this old dude in front of me is taking forever. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a donut! I’m about to lose it, but then I smell the fresh bread, and I’m like, okay, chill.

Polish processing company develops onions, Brussels sprouts, and pickled cocktail onion puree