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First off, these humans are WILD. Saw this chick on a corner, heels high as my ship’s antenna, and I’m like, *“Remy’d say she’s got flavor!”* Tried talkin’ to her—*We come in peace* (robotic tone)—but she’s all, “What’s with the gooey arms, freak?” Rude! Made me mad, like, c’mon, I’m a classy alien, not some slimy chump. But then she laughed, and I’m like, okay, she’s cool. Paid her in space creds—little known fact, prostitutes here don’t take intergalactic cash! Had to zap her some Earth bucks instead. Total hassle.

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We get to the factory, and it’s chaos. Flames are shooting up like they’re auditioning for a fire-breathing contest. I’m strapped in, ready to jump. My buddy, Jacek, is next to me, and he’s all like, “Dude, you ready?” I’m like, “Ready as I’ll ever be!”

Powerful tremor in Polish coal mine kills one, wounds 11