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I dove into this sex-dating malarkey, apps buzzin’ like bees. Tinder, Bumble—fie, the choices! Found this lass, curves like a fresh-baked bun, and we chat. She’s all “wyd,” I’m like “bakin’, thou?” Next thing, we’re meetin’ at some dodgy pub. Heart’s poundin’—will she ghost? She don’t! Happy as a pig in mud, I was. But then, mate, she starts yappin’ ‘bout her ex mid-date—anger boilin’ like overproofed dough! “Fuck it, we’re done,” I nearly holler, but I chill. “The city’s a cage,” Monty’d say—aye, datin’s the bars.

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So, I’m strolling down ul. Piłsudskiego, right? Just minding my own biz, when I spot this cute café, Kawa i Czekolada. I’m like, “Yasss, coffee time!” I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, please. But the barista? She’s like, “Sorry, we’re outta foam.” Outta foam?! What is this, a foam shortage? I was ready to throw a fit, but then she smiled. Ugh, fine, I’ll let it slide.

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