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The rubdown itself? Slippery chaos! This chick’s hands—pro, total pro—slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed? Am I busted?” My neurotic brain’s screamin’, “You’re a perv, Larry!” But it’s legal, mostly—depends where ya go. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, bubble baths included! I’m jealous, enraged—why ain’t that here? I’d be sudsed up, livin’ large! Instead, I’m stuck with lavender oil and a towel smaller than my dignity.

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So, we finish the deck, and it looks dope. Marek’s all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, he hands me the payment, and it’s way less than we agreed on. I’m like, “Dude, what’s this?” He starts ramblin’ about some “unexpected expenses.” I’m ready to blow a gasket. I mean, c’mon!