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Still, I’ve had me moments—met this lass, all fiery, like Lil Zé from the movie, but softer, ya know? We hit it off, proper sparks, made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. Hooked up after two dates—fast, right? Surprised me how chill it was, no drama, just vibes. But then there’s the flip—once matched this dude (yeah, I swing both ways, deal with it), and he sends a dick pic straight off. Mate, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Blocked him faster than Gandalf slammin’ that staff on the bridge. What a knob—where’s the class?

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Outta nowhere, I land a solid punch. Boom! The crowd goes nuts! I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, he comes back at me, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh no, not again!” I’m dodgin’ left and right, and I swear, my heart’s racin’ faster than a horse on fire.

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