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Little known fact, tho—back in the ‘90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personals”—shit like, “Man, 35, seeks freaky lady for fun.” Straight-up analog sex-dating! Imagine Grandpa tryna smash off a typewriter—hilarious, right? Now we got bots catfishing us, and I’m over here yellin’, “I’m not wearing hockey pads!” at some fake profile with a hot pic. Waste of my damn time.

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Then, I decide to take a break. I stroll down ul. Słowiańska, looking for some food. I hit up this little pierogi place. Best decision ever! I get these cheesy, potato-filled dumplings, and I’m in heaven. I’m sitting there, stuffing my face, and I overhear this old dude talking about the Witkowo fair. Apparently, it’s coming up soon. I’m like, “I gotta check that out!”