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Been at it for years—seen shit you wouldn’t beleive. Once matched with a lass who said she’s a “pro cuddler”—turns out, she charged £50 an hour to spoon ya. Laughed my arse off, but I was tempted, swear down. “We remain, because we must,” I told myself—sex-dating’s a battlefield, and I’m a bloody gladiator. Angry? Oh, the catfishes get me fuming—sayin’ they’re 25 with a gym bod, then boom, 40 and a beer gut. Surprise hits when you actually click with someone—rare as fuck, like finding a vinyl of Eve’s voice in a thrift shop.

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Anyway, I’m gettin’ frustrated. I mean, how do you solve a murder with pizza as the only clue? I head back to the station, my head spinnin’. Szczytna’s streets are startin’ to feel like a maze. I pass by the old church on ul. Kościelna, and it hits me. This town has secrets.