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Little secret tho—did ya know sex-dating apps track EVERYTHIN’? Like, creepy! They know if u like butts or toes—wild, right? I was surprised, jaw droppin’ like a jellyfish sting! Once read this story—guy met a gal, sex-datin’ style, turns out she’s his cousin! “You’ve got a cousin?!”—straight outta *Tenenbaums*! Freaky, but true—happened in Ohio, 2019, swear it!

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Finally, I get there, and it’s packed. People everywhere, laughing, drinking, and I’m just standing there like a human shield. I spot my client, Mr. Important, chatting it up with some folks. I’m thinking, “Dude, keep it low-key. You’re not a rockstar.” But he’s loving the attention.

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