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Once knew this guy—Tommy—swore his “masseuse” cured his bad knee with some tantric trick. Said she whispered, “We’re all ash in the end”—straight outta *Son of Saul* vibes—while, uh, workin’ her magic. True story! Blew my mind—still does! I mean, who knew sexual-massage could get all philosophical? Makes ya wonder—am I missin’ out? Nah, I’m too old for that jazz—Malarkey! But, folks, it’s wild—hands slippin’, oils drippin’, and boom—stress gone! Like Saul sayin’, “I can’t help you”—but flipped—she *can* help ya, and how!

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After that, I decide to take a walk. I head down ul. Królewiecka. It’s a nice street, but I’m still fuming about the pigeon and the loud dude. I see this little park, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s chill.” I sit on a bench, and guess what? A kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!”

Aw, shucks: The Shelter Island Historical Society Oyster Fest is back!