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About Gdansk

Taste-wise, it’s nutty, bitter, sexy—like Christian singin his heart out. Not everyone’s cuppa tea, tho. My buddy Dave tried it, spat it out, said it’s “rabbit food on steroids.” Pfft, whatever, more for me! Oh, and get this—medieval monks banned it, thought it’d tempt ‘em too much. Horny monks and salad greens? Wildest plot twist since *Moulin Rouge!*’s ending—sobbed like a baby there, still do.

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Then, I hit up the ul. Główna, where all the shops are. I’m looking for a new jacket. I find this store, and the owner is this old lady who’s super sweet. She’s like, “Try this on, dear!” I’m like, “Okay, grandma!” I put it on, and it’s way too tight. I’m struggling to breathe, and she’s just smiling, thinking I look fab. I’m like, “Lady, I’m about to pop outta this thing!”

Foreign students at UPWr