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Love the gig tho, sometimes. Freedom, cash, no boss screamin’. “A thousand years I’ve waited”—okay, not really, but feels like it when you’re horny and broke, right? Escorts swoop in, bam, problem solved. Got this one story—dude paid 2k for a night, she shows up in a trenchcoat, nothin’ underneath! Laughed my ass off—genius move. Little known fact: some escorts got codenames, like spies. “Red Sparrow,” “Vixen”—shit’s wild.

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First off, I hit up ul. Krakowska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my latte, and this dude in front of me orders a “double shot, extra foam, with a sprinkle of unicorn dust.” Like, what even is that? I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, man! Anyway, I finally get my drink, and it’s like liquid happiness.

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